Nothing is more disappointing than somehow ruining your film. I spent hours shooting yesterday and when I developed the images there was nothing on my negatives. It wouldn’t be a huge deal normally, but these were special images. Images I have no idea how to recreate. I spent weeks thinking about them, planning, preparing. I had never made images like these and I was really excited to see them. I put all of my mental energy into making them and that’s all been lost. I felt kind of dumb for getting so upset about it, but I guess I never realized how emotionally close I am with my work. It feels like loosing a part of who you are at a certain moment, as stupid as that may sound. Yes, they’re images. I can take them again. But can I make them the same way? I really don’t think so. The worst part is not knowing what happened. I did nothing differently than I usually do and I’ve been developing film for over 4 years, almost weekly. And this is the first time I’ve ever had anything like this happen. The only thing I can think of it being is fixer contamination from my presoak tank or fixer in the developer tank. And I have no idea how that would happen. I guess I should try to make them again, I’m just not sure if they’ll be what I want now. And I’m worried about getting the person to model again and the fact that it’ll be cold when we shoot again. I’m going to attempt to stop worrying and just focus on reshooting. But this has just taken a lot out of me, mixed with everything else going on in my life right now. I guess I’m just a little upset by the whole thing. I could use some inspiration right now.